Manly, NSW: In a curious turn of events that has both bemused and outraged the locals, the Manly Whingers have taken to social media to protest the burgeoning problem of “extra scallop abuse” at the Manly Fish Market. The issue at hand? Those cheeky chaps at the market sneaking an extra battered potato scallop into every order, much to the chagrin of local residents grappling with their waistlines.
The Scallop Scandal
Veteran Whinger and self-declared scallop connoisseur, Benny T. Wright, has sounded the alarm. “I order two scallops, and those crafty folks at the Manly Fish Market always sneak in an extra one,” Wright lamented. “It’s like a free-for-all every time I open my bag. I’m trying to stick to my diet, but how can I resist an extra scallop when it’s practically begging to be devoured?”
Wright’s frustration is compounded by the temptation to throw the rogue scallop into the air, where it quickly becomes a battleground for the local seagull population. “It’s like watching an epic battle unfold,” Wright continued. “The seagulls swoop in, flapping their wings and squawking like it’s the last morsel of food on Earth. It’s as chaotic as a real estate auction—only with feathers and a lot more flapping!”
The Seagull Showdown
The sight of seagulls engaging in aerial combat over a battered potato is apparently a source of both entertainment and annoyance for local residents. “I’ve seen seagulls dive-bomb each other with such ferocity, you’d think they were fighting for a million-dollar listing,” said Wright. “One seagull even managed to knock another out of the way, flapping triumphantly with the scallop clutched in its beak. It’s like the Bird Olympics out there!”
The Whingers’ Call for Action
Unsurprisingly, the Manly Whingers are demanding action. Emma H. Tickle, a longtime advocate for dietary discipline and seagull sanity, has called for a crackdown on what she describes as “unnecessary scallop indulgence.” “It’s not just about the extra calories,” Tickle said. “It’s about the principle! We shouldn’t be rewarding this kind of behavior with more food. And those seagulls? They’re out of control! We need stricter guidelines for how many scallops should be in each order.”
Meanwhile, Stan Still has proposed a solution to the seagull spectacle. “Let’s set up a designated ‘Scallop Swooping Zone’ away from the public,” Still suggested. “We can install a few ‘Seagull Only’ signs and maybe even some netting to keep them from swooping over the beach. And as for the fish market? Maybe they should consider a ‘Scallop Tax’ to help with the extra calories!”
The Community’s Comedic Take
John Davies, ever the optimist, has his own take on the situation. “Why not embrace the chaos?” Davies proposed. “We could turn it into a local event—The Great Scallop Swoop Spectacular! We could sell tickets, set up bleachers, and have a live commentary on the seagull antics. It’s a win-win: we get to enjoy the show, and the fish market can keep their extra scallops!”
The Final Word
As the debate rages on, one thing is certain: the Manly Whingers are not letting this issue slide. Whether it’s through more stringent dietary guidelines, improved seagull management, or turning the scallop spectacle into a local event, the locals are determined to reclaim their beach and their waistlines. So next time you find yourself in Manly, be prepared for a bit of extra excitement—whether it’s from a seagull showdown or a scallop scandal!
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